Dating Woes

A friend recently posed the question, "Why is dating so hard?" A good question and one loaded with many relevant answers. Before I begin, I want to state that I am using 'we' to mean men and women and in no way does this imply that it is universal, that everyone fits this. In addition, I also want to stipulate that in no way am I an expert or will you completely agree with my assessments. Plus, I am guilty of some of these things as well. So, in no particular order, here goes:

1. Unrealistic expectations. We place expectations on others that even we might not even be able to attain. We want them to be 'like' us. Most have heard opposites attract. This is true if you are a magnet. In life, we are attracted to those most similar to us. One word of caution: Don't look for someone exactly like you . . . you probably will end up not liking them as much later. Because you think something is right for you, don't expect it to be so for someone else. Also, remember, we are all unique individuals and how you're feeling may not be how they are feeling. Give the benefit of the doubt.
2. Fear. We allow fear to control us to the point that we may walk away from a good thing. This might be because of past experiences. And Satan is the chief source of helping us use our fears to control us. Fear of being hurt. We have all felt this and probably been the cause of it to someone else and possibly ourselves too. Sometimes this fear is a fear of change. We get established and comfortable with a certain type of lifestyle and any change to this can cause fear. A good quote fits this: "By probing to deeply, or talking endlessly about some problems, we can foolishly cause the very thing we are trying to prevent . . ." -President Boyd K. Packer. If your fear is divorce, getting hurt, loss of income, infidelity, or any other relationship fear, be careful how much you think about it. It can consume you. Don't create a problem where one does not exist.
3. Selfishness. In a book I read not to long ago, the authors all mentioned how most divorces arise because of selfishness on one or both in the marriage (and we can add a dating relationship). I feel President Gordon B. Hinckley said it best: "I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one's companion." What you think and feel matters, but so does that of your loved one.
4. Misplaced priorities. We all want security, financial and romantic. But to what extent are we misplacing what truly matters with what matters?
5. Disrespect. For the men, we need to look at women as who they truly are: Daughters of God and future mothers. We need to respect their bodies and their minds. And we men need to remember this quote from President Hinckley, “The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you." But for all of us, we need to give respect to get respect.
6. Seinfeld Syndrome. Most of us have a preconceived image of our ideal spouse. At the request of a friend, I once had a list of the physical and spiritual attributes I looked for in a woman. When meeting someone new we tend to 'check off' what qualities and attributes they posses and which they don't. In addition, we often compare this person to someone we previously loved. If they don't quite measure up, then we are quick to send them on their way. The sad thing is, we may be missing on getting to know someone very special. Ask yourself an important question: "Would I measure up on their list?" We need to love someone because we are physically attracted to them, but more importantly, we need to truly love them because of who they are.
7. Communication. Talk. Listen. Listen. Listen. Then act.
8. We are who we are: Maybe this should be number one on the list, but men are from mars and women are from venus. That pretty much sums it up.
9. Comparisons: Often we have been in a relationship that we felt very comfortable in. We may have even loved the other person. Then comes a breakup. The problem here can be that we compare our last with all those who are now interested in us. This is unfair to them and to ourselves.
10. Loving and Being loved: We all have an innate need to give love and to be loved. But for some of us, we make it very hard for someone else to love us, despite their many efforts.
    

That said, life is good and life is great. Wish you all the best.
Feel free to give your input or add to this list.